Jerome Canterbury, a blogger based in Devon, today called a press conference outside his family home. The blogger, who hadn’t updated his blog in over a month, was presumed dead, or possibly captured by some bizarre sex cult, by his many fan. Mr.Canterbury spoke to the press collected with a tear in his eye, swearing that he wouldn’t abandon his adoring fan again.
“I can’t believe I did that to them, just left them without my wit, my words, my intellect, my hot takes…I just don’t know if I can forgive myself,” Canterbury said. “There’s no excuse, and what’s worse is, there’s no reason for my absence. Sure, I went on holidays, and yes I’ve been really stressed, a bit depressed and just generally ill, but I abandoned you, and I hope you can forgive me. I promise to you that I will get back to my weekly schedule soon.”
We reached out to Mr.Canterbury’s fan, a 23 year-old female student from Cornwall named Annette, who was stunned by the outpouring of emotion from Canterbury. “I genuinely didn’t notice he had stopped, if I’m honest. And I wouldn’t really call myself a ‘fan’, I’m just a friend from college who likes the odd tweet. Like seriously, this is all a bit unnecessary, but I guess I’m happy for him that he’s back at it? This is weird.”
Despite the melancholic nature of the comments from the independent blogger, they were generally quite hopeful for the future, setting a goal they described as “a bit unrealistic, but sure you have to dream big” of getting back to writing articles weekly, and doubling the number of fans the blog has from one to two before 2020.